


What Happened When Ryan Walked Into a Bar

by yike_s



Category: Life Unexpected
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, but i am not sure how slow, but right now, im thinking slow burn, it could be super fast, or it could like be really super slow, or somewhere in the middle that would be considered normal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 15:19:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14876258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yike_s/pseuds/yike_s
Summary: Baze feels left out and Ryan wants to help, but sometimes it all goes to shit





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi okay I know no one is going to read this, it's mostly for me and so sorry if this is sucky.

Long nights at the bar were what got Baze through this mess. Not that he didn’t want to be part of this mess. And not that Lux was a mess. However, Cate and Ryan were a whole ‘nother story. And whatever Cate and Ryan did or Cate and Ryan said, went. Which did not settle well with Baze, because, wasn’t he Lux’s father? Wasn’t he the one that wanted to be responsible for her? This he could not wrap his head around. He thought he and Cate were getting better, she even realized that she made a mistake with enrolling Lux at Westmonte without his input. But, that had been the last of her apologies. Everything after was somehow seemingly Baze’s fault. And all those little things with Cate and Ryan was why he was sitting in his bar, drunk as fuck, at two in the afternoon.

Baze sat at the bar, pouring himself drink after drink, and slowly realising the hole he was digging himself into. He was drunk, and he had to pick up Lux after school, but maybe he could get perfect Mr.Ryan to do it, because after all, that was what Ryan was - perfect. Not too long after he started to drink, Baze slumped over the counter of the bar passing out.

45 minutes later, the bar phone began to ring, and in Baze’s drunken daze he started to order pizza.

“Baze, Baze, Baze!”, Lux called into the phone.

“Yes, I would like two large pepperoni pizzas”, Blaze slurred into the phone.

“God! I can’t believe you’re drunk!” Lux shouted, “I guess I’ll just have to call Ryan”.

“No, Mr.Pizza I would not like a side of Ryan!” Baze said.

Lux hung up the phone, with Baze still muttering about pizza. The phone dropped from Baze’s hand and onto the floor, Baze oblivious about what was happening.

Lux had had enough. She was constantly trying to understand whether Baze really wanted her as her daughter or not. At the beginning he was all for it, but lately, she thought, he didn’t seem to care much. Not knowing who else to call (she could have called Cate but Lux was still mad at her after last night’s events dealing with Tasha), Lux called Ryan in hopes that he would be available to pick her up from school. And lo and behold he was, unlike Baze.

As soon as Ryan heard Lux explain the situation over the phone, he was out of the radio station immediately. And all that was running through his head was how much of a dick Baze was. Who leaves their daughter stranded, most importantly who gets drunk and leaved their daughter stranded at 2:45 in the afternoon? Ryan was furious, and the more Baze acted up like this the more sense it made for Baze to not be in the picture anymore. So far, Cate’s odd connection with Baze made it impossible for him to get out of Cate and Ryan’s life. This last stunt, however, Ryan thought, could really make Cate see what Baze was truly like. He pushed his angry thoughts out of his mind, putting on a more cheery disposition to pick Lux up with. Dropping her off at home, he headed straight towards the bar ready to give Baze a piece of his mind.

After picking up and dropping Lux off, Ryan headed straight for the bar. Walking inside he was met by the sight of a drunk Baze. Slumped over the counter, Baze was muttering nonsense. Ryan slammed a chair down, getting Baze’s attention.

“Ryan, my man, what are you doing here?” Baze asked, gesturing for a high-five from Ryan.

“What the hell Baze!” Ryan shouted, completely and utterly disgusted. Baze put his hand to his chest as if he was hurt by that comment, picking up an unfinished beer bottle and chugging it down.

“No need to be so rude Ryan” Baze said, a pout on his face, walking towards Ryan. Baze reached out putting his hands on Ryan’s shoulder and slowly leaning down, so his face was level to Ryan’s face. Baze smiled, patting Ryan’s cheek ready to turn around. Ryan, even more aggravated by Baze, pulled Baze back by his shoulder and punched him right in the eye. Baze fell to the floor, a little more knocked out than he would, had he been sober. Immediately Ryan felt guilt, knowing that this would most likely upset both Cate and Lux. Setting his anger aside, he helped Baze up to his feet before leading Baze upstairs.

“Common buddy, let’s get you upstairs” Ryan sighed. In response Baze patted Ryan’s cheek, leaning more and more on Ryan. “Buddy you’re going to have to do some walking on your own.” Ryan said, not being able to support Baze’s tall frame fully.

“I’m doing enough!” Baze, muttered, pushing his head into Ryan’s neck. Ryan reached the top of the stairs, pushing Baze against the wall to give himself a break. Baze slid down the wall, hunching over himself and pulling his knees close to his body. “Why are you so perfect?” Baze asked into his knees.

“You gotta be louder buddy” Ryan said, not hearing Baze.

“I said, why are you so perfect” Baze repeated looking up at Ryan. “Why do Cate and Lux care so much about you and not me?” Baze asked, still a bit inebriated. Ryan had no idea how to respond. He had no clue that Baze felt anything more towards Cate and Lux than he showed. And instead of coming up with an answer, Ryan propped Baze back up, leading him into his bed. Pushing Baze onto the mattress, Ryan started to grab some of the covers to put onto Baze. “Why are you so perfect” Baze repeated louder, “Can’t you hear me” he started to say, getting more frantic by the second. Baze pulled Ryan down, and Ryan came tumbling onto the bed. Baze held Ryan by the collar, crying and repeatedly asking why Cate and lux did not care, and why Ryan was so perfect. Unable to respond, all Ryan could do was hold Baze and try to console him.

“Baze, stop crying” Ryan commanded, not knowing how else to get Baze to stop crying.

“Yes, sir” Baze mumbled, tears immediately stopping. Surprised that Baze actually listened to him Ryan decided to try his hand once more.

“Go to sleep now, Baze” Ryan said, emphasizing now.

“Yes, sir” Baze said breathily, not breaking his eye contact with Ryan. And the look in Baze’s eyes were one that Ryan was having a hard time placing. Before Ryan could think too much about that, Baze had moved from his spot near Ryan, to the head of the bed, using a few pillows as blankets. Ryan stood, covering Baze with real blankets and placing his head underneath a pillow before leaving. As Ryan was walking down the stairs and out of the bar, he knew that he was still mad at Baze for leaving Lux like that, but knew he could not stay mad at Baze for too long with the confessions Baze had made previously. Ryan needed a few days to think about what this meant before he could talk to Baze properly, he just hoped that the next time he went to the bar, Baze was not so drunk.

Baze woke the next morning with several missed calls from Cate, and a few lengthy voice messages. Ignoring those, he tried to remember what had happened the night before. Looking into the mirror he saw his black eye, and started to remember Ryan coming into the bar. Remembering what he said, he was immediately embarrassed. Trying not to dwell too much on what he told Ryan, he hopped into the shower mentally making a note to call an old friend.

In the next few days before Ryan got a chance to talk to Baze, it was hours and hours of covering for Baze and his mistakes. He deflected every thought Cate got about Baze, and deflected every question Lux had about Baze. Ryan was tired of talking about Baze, and he had no desire to talk to him in person. But, Ryan knew he had no other choice. Nothing was going to get solved if they kept beating around the bush, or completely ignoring the problem that would most definitely blow back up into their faces. So Saturday morning rolled around, Ryan told Cate he would be going to meet up with some old college buddies, instead going straight to the bar. The bar would be closed this early in the morning, but the door was always unlocked. Letting himself into the bar, Ryan made his way to the stairs that lead to Baze’s loft. He opened the door, making himself quiet not wanting to wake up Math or Jamie, and walked towards the sliding doors that lead to Baze’s bedroom. Sounds were coming out of the doors that were slightly ajar, but Ryan could not really make out what they were. Standing in front of the two doors, Ryan was able to see what was happening on Baze’s bed.

Baze was tied to the headboard, with strong rope, and a man kneeling in between Baze’s spread legs. The man seemed to be violating every inch of Baze, but Baze…. Baze seemed to love it. Tears were coming out of his eyes, but his face was contorted to one of pleasure. Staring at the image right in front of his eyes, Ryan began to remember his college days, and way before he met Cate, where he was the one kneeling between someone’s spread legs, their arms tied to the headboard. Girl or guy did not matter. Ryan was suddenly jerked out of his thoughts when Baze gave a loud moan. Quickly coming to his senses, Ryan rushed out of the loft something awoken inside of him. Talking to Baze would now be more awkward than ever. Ryan did not know what he felt anymore, but he knew that those few commands that he gave Baze that afternoon, had set something off in the both of them. And he had no idea what to do.

The day after his drunken talk with Ryan, Baze had called an old friend from college, Marcus. Marcus was able to give Baze something he desperately needed, but something they both knew could never be permanent. Marcus was engaged to be married, and Baze would never be able to show his face to his family with a person like Marcus in his life, a man. So he kept up his player boy side of him. Sleeping with any random girl in between his ‘sessions’ with Marcus. And over the last decade or so that has not changed. But now Baze only calls Marcus when he really, really needs someone, when he needs to give up control. And Marcus knows Baze like the back of his hand, and that he would not call for a random hookup. That when Baze calls, it’s serious. So the minute Marcus saw Baze’s name flash on his phone, he had booked the first flight out of Minnesota to Portland.

Marcus arrived at Baze’s apartment exactly 6 hours later, supplies in one suitcase and clothes in the other. He walked into the loft and saw Baze, sitting and staring blankly at a movie playing on the t.v. Marcus walked to the couch and sat down, making sure his voice would have that commanding tone that Baze would for sure listen to.

“Nathaniel Bazile.” Marcus said, knowing full well using Baze’s entire name would get his attention. Baze shifted on the couch so he was facing Marcus and looking right into his eyes. And what Marcus saw almost broke him. Baze looked so hurt, more hurt than he had ever looked in the last ten years. Marcus pulled Baze into a hug, and pulled him up so he was standing at the same time. Marcus then pushed Baze towards his bedroom, suitcase in tow with supplies enough to last an entire month if that’s what took to get Baze back. He pushed Baze onto the bed, sitting in between his legs, and made Baze talk about what was wrong. Once Marcus knew exactly what was going on, he pushed Baze up against the headboard ready to get their night started.

2 days later and Baze was ready to return to normal life. He knew that he was not 100 percent ready to return to reality, Marcus knew that as well, but Baze had responsibilities now that Lux had come into his life. Marcus had left with an uneasy feeling that things were going to be flipped, turned upside down.

1 week after the whole mess with Ryan and Lux, Baze had started pitching in a lot more, and keeping his mouth shut. Lux and Cate were worried. There had been no petty fights between either Baze or Ryan the past week, and Baze seemed to be lacking in the sleep department. Ryan realized the third day Baze showed up with deep bags under his eyes that he needed to talk to Baze. So that Saturday, one week later, Ryan showed up at the bar hoping he would get a chance to talk to Baze without any distractions. Ryan walked into the bar, not expecting to see Baze cooped up on a stool, behind the bar, looking through the books diligently. Baze looked up, hearing someone walk in not expecting to see Ryan.

“Hey man,” Baze said, confused.

“Hi, we need to talk about what’s going on” Ryan said, silently shooting himself in the foot for sounding rude and clipped.

“Hey, look man, I’ve-I’ve kept quiet on the decisions you and Cate made, really I’m not looking for a fight” Baze said defensively and defeatedly. Ryan immediately felt guilty.

“No, no, that’s not- I’m not here because I’m mad at you- I mean yes I am mad at you for being drunk when you needed to pick Lux up from school, but you’ve-you’ve been good for the last week.” Ryan said, sorry written all across his voice, noticing the way Baze’s eyes flickered at the word ‘good’. “I just wanted to talk to you about the other day, when you were drunk”.

“Oh-oh, I’m sorry, I just- I wasn’t feeling too great, and I- I really apologize for leaving Lux, I’m sorry” Baze said quickly, obviously wanting to get this conversation over with.

“Baze” Ryan said warningly, “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it”.

“I really don’t-I don’t remember” Baze said, stumbling with his words.

“You kept asking why Cate and Lux don’t care about you.” Ryan said. Baze stared blankly at Ryan, a look of despair in his eyes. “Baze, they care so much about you, especially Lux.” Ryan said in reassurance.

“Listen, Ryan, you don’t have to lie to me to get me to feel better. I know Cate only keeps me around so Lux has some semblance of a normal life, but I get that she wants just you guys to be a family. And if Lux wants me to step back I will.” Baze said. Ryan looked at him bewildered,

“Did you not hear what I said?” Ryan asked incredulously. “Lux and Cate care about you”, Ryan looked intensely at Baze.

A minute went by before Baze responded, looking frazzled tapping his leg against the floor and the pencil in his hand against the notebook in front of him.

“Well it doesn’t feel that way with you in our lives!” Baze said loudly. He immediately looked like a deer caught in headlights, bringing his hand to cover his mouth. Something snapped in Ryan, and he took long strides towards the bar, walking around it to be on the same side as Baze. He grabbed Baze’s face in his hands, not gently but not rough either.

Grabbing Baze’s face, Ryan repeated slowly, “Did you hear me, yes or no?”

“Yes-yes,” Baze said a little breathily.

“Did you hear me?” Ryan repeated, his voice stronger.

“Yes!” Baze cried out.

“Did you hear me” Ryan repeated for the third time

“Yes- yes sir,” Baze all but mumbled looking into Ryan’s eyes. Ryan took one hand off of Baze’s face, using it to pull Baze up from the stool he was sitting on.

“Turn around” Ryan said, voice deep and commanding. Baze complied, turning around. “Go upstairs and wait on your bed” Ryan said, rubbing his chin. As Baze walked upstairs, Ryan was consumed with thoughts. He definitely did not know what he was doing with Baze, and he was still with Cate. One thing he did know was that he had to be careful. No matter what. Realizing that Baze was going to listen to whatever he said, Ryan ran up the stairs behind him. When Ryan reached Baze’s bedroom, Baze was sitting on the bed, hand clasped looking down at them.

Ryan knew that this was serious, if Baze was okay he and Ryan would have had at least 10 small fights by now. So Ryan bent down in front of Baze, pulling his head up.

“Hey, none of that now. We went over the fact that you are cared for, and you heard me, did you not?” Ryan said, knowing this was setting Baze’s headspace right.

“Yes sir”, Baze practically whispered. Ryan pushed Baze down, so he was lying on the bed. Spreading Baze’s legs, Ryan climbed in between them, his hand laying flat on Baze’s stomach.

“You’ve been good, this week” Ryan said, emphasizing the word good. Baze let out a small whimper, squeezing his eyes closed. Ryan sighed, knowing it was too late to turn back now. Ryan moved his hands up Baze’s torso, reaching the top button of Baze’s flannel. Baze let out another whimper, squeezing his eyes closed even more it seemed, if that was even possible. Ryan began to unbutton each button one by one, slowly moving his hands down Baze’s body, making sure Baze could really feel him. Never letting his hands move off of Baze, Ryan managed to shrug Baze’s flannel off of him. Next he started on the pants, quickly unbuttoning them and tossing them to the side. Reaching his hand back up, Ryan let them rest on Baze’s neck. Getting some sense knocked back into him Ryan said, “Baze, sweetheart, I know that we’ve gone too far to turn back now, but I cannot just go into this blindly. What works for me may not work for you, and you’re already hurt enough. I am not willing to chance it just because. Okay?” It came out as more of a question, but Baze knew well enough that there was no option with this. 

Responding with a quiet, “I know” Baze squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable. For Ryan to leave. But that never came. Instead, Ryan got up and propped Baze up hauling him over to the couch and sat down next to him.

“We need to talk” Ryan said with a no nonsense kind of voice. Baze nodded his head, obviously still embarrassed to talk. “I’ll go first.” Ryan said, softly letting Baze know he was with him all the way. “I was not aware of all this about you at first, but, I am glad I know now.” Ryan said, looking Baze deep in the eyes.

“I didn’t know I wanted this from you either” Baze said meekly.

“You know that was not what I meant” Ryan said

“It’s just… hard” Baze said, looking anywhere but Ryan.

“Baze… look at me” Ryan said slowly.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just… I’ve never done this with anyone else… before. It’s always, just been, Marcus. And I just-I don’t know.” Baze said slowly but also kind of rushed.

“Is that who I saw you with the other day?” Ryan asked, genuinely curious.

“You saw?” Baze asked, sounding a little hurt.

Ryan sighed, knowing he should have probably not said that. But it was too late now. “Yes, I came to the bar to talk to you, but I saw you with… him, and I just kind of left.”

“Oh” Baze said, like the life had just gone out of him.

“Baze, Baze- hey look at me, it’s okay” Ryan said assuring Baze that he was fine with it.

“I just don’t want you to think that I’m some kind of man-slut” Baze said, eyes cast downward.

“Baze everyone already thinks that” Ryan said, mentally shooting himself because know was not the time to be kicking Baze while he was already down.

“Oh” Baze said once again, looking like a lost puppy.

Ryan pulled him closer, and kept whispering he was sorry. He knew that he should probably have a conversation about limits with Baze, and Ryan knew it should have probably been right then and there, but he just couldn’t let go of Baze. And Baze. Baze melted right into him, just glad to have someone to hold onto. Ryan held Baze like this for hours, knowing full well it would be awhile before either of them were ready to talk again.

It was time. 3 hours later, after just holding each other, Baze seemed ready to talk and Ryan was all ears. Ryan knew though that this wasn’t going to be easy. Baze was not in a good spot and it seemed like he hadn’t been in a while. And though this was happening relatively fast, any faster and Ryan knew that Baze may truly lose all control.

“It was college,” Baze started, Ryan looking at him as if urging him on. “I figured out just who exactly I was attracted to, boys obviously, but I was having a hard time accepting that fact. And I knew my parents would never accept it either, and really anyone I had surrounded myself with. So I kept on partying and being that ‘player’ and I started to spin out of control. Then I met Marcus. From the beginning, it almost felt as if Marcus just knew, knew that I liked guys. But he never said anything and neither did I. We moved in together our sophomore year, and I was still spiraling. But one morning I came home, hungover, and everything changed. Marcus was waiting in the kitchen with a hangover cure and this really stern look on his face and I knew something was up. And then he kind of just layed it all out. That he knew I liked boys, he did too, no he didn’t care, and that yes I needed to change something about myself because the cycle I was in would break me before I got a chance. After that morning I guess is when all of, this, really started. It took a while, nothing truly happened until late into our junior year. I was working on getting better but nothing seemed to be working. Not until our junior year.” Baze slumped forward, his monologue seeming to get the best of him. Ryan took it all in, wondering how in the hell had Baze survived as long as he had.

Speaking softly Ryan began, “I’m glad you told me this, but Baze you have to be sure you want this with _me_ ”.  
Baze looked up, eyes glossed over with tears, and asked timidly, “Are you sure _you_ want this with me?” And that left Ryan, not stumped, but close enough to it. Remembering Cate, Ryan mentally slapped himself for not going about this better. But he knew one thing for sure, that he wanted and needed to be there for Baze. But where did Cate fit in to this equation?

Ryan had no answer for Baze’s question. Sure he did want to be with Baze but how could he when he was still with Cate. So because he couldn’t answer Baze’s question properly, Ryan left with promises of returning within the next couple of weeks with a solid answer. But Ryan knew he needed to be quick about this. Baze was not in good headspace, and as much as Ryan came to check up on Baze things remained the same as they did before the whole debacle. Ryan did not want to do anything behind Cate’s back, but he didn’t want to hurt Baze either. So far only one of those things was happening. And it wasn’t the not hurting Baze. Ryan was no fool. He saw how tightly wound Baze was, and how every breath of his seemed to be puncturing his lungs. Ryan knew if this was not solved, it would all come to shit within the next few days.

Baze wanted Ryan. He hadn’t known just how much he wanted Ryan until Ryan left, but after a week and a half of a handful of ‘check-ins’ Baze wanted Ryan. But he knew that he still had to be grown up about this and think of Cate and Lux. If this were to happen it needed to happen without going behind anyone’s backs. Baze could still be upset about it. And upset he was. He didn’t know Ryan was really going to take as much time as he had promised but he was, and it was slowly eating Baze up. Times like this before, Baze would call Marcus but he didn’t think that would be appropriate anymore so he was just floating. Floating between this weird space in between trying to be a grown up about all the situations he was in and trying to not think about how out of control he really felt. Baze felt like shit. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan tries to resolve things

Cate knew something was up. Ryan and Baze did not fight in the presence of one another at all, Ryan seemed to be walking on eggshells, and Baze seemed outright depressed. But no one had said anything, which was making her start to worry. Things seemed fine between her and Ryan (admittedly not the best) and she didn’t want Baze to say or do anything to mess this lull in their lives, up. So, for now, she prayed that things would stay this way, and hopefully even get better.

Ryan had made his mind up. Things with Cate were okay, but it was mostly due to his and Baze’s lack of fighting. And things in their relationship had been rocky for a while now, more so after Lux had shown up (not that she was the issue in their relationship, Ryan loved Lux and was willing to do anything for her). So he decided that they needed to talk. Leaving a voicemail on her phone asking her to come over so they could talk, Ryan began to nervously pace. How was he supposed to explain to Cate that he wanted to break up with her because he wanted to be with Baze? How was he even supposed to tell her he was attracted to more than just girls? Ryan was suddenly struck with the realization of how fast he was moving. Why didn’t he prepare instead of just calling Cate right over? In the middle of all of this, Cate had let herself in and saw Ryan’s nervous pacing and worry washed over her. What was he going to say? Why did his voicemail sound so serious? Ryan turned around to pace back to the other side of the room and saw Cate standing in the front hall just looking just as worried as he felt.

With a small ‘oh,’ Ryan ushered Cate inside, and they both sat facing each other on the couch.

“Okay,” Ryan started, “So I called, and I wanted to talk because I guess we just needed to talk.” Ryan knew this wasn’t going to be easy, after all, he couldn’t forget what he did with Baze, but at the same time, he didn’t care.

“Why? What about? I mean everything seems to be just fine lately,” Cate said a bit defensively.

“I guess that’s just it Cate, things are ‘just fine.’ But they should be great, amazing even.” Ryan said exasperatedly.

“So what do you want to do about that? Because the way I see it is that fine is good. Fine means we can continue on with our lives without constant disruption. And the best part of ‘fine’ is that Baze has done nothing to exceptionally upset us, so that means things are great” Cate said, getting louder by the second.

“Cate, I don’t want this to turn into a fight,” Ryan explained trying to calm Cate down.

“You’re the one that called me over,” Cate said, “So if you want to explain what you mean then go ahead.”

Ryan took a deep breath, trying not to get annoyed with Cate’s ‘holier than thou’ attitude. Then started, “It’s been great being with you Cate, I really, really hope you know that. But you got mad at me when I tried to propose, and yes things have settled down since then, but that wasn’t before everything seemed to happen at once. And lately things have been just fine but not good, and you know it too. We’ve been trying to make this work, for who I have no idea, and I just think we’ve been holding on to something we knew was never going to work for so long”, Ryan finished.

“Are you saying we shouldn’t try anymore Ryan? Because you know, I’ve been trying to make it work and I’m trying to understand your side more, so it isn’t like I'm just throwing in the towel”, Cate said, rushed almost frantically.

“But that’s just it Cate, we shouldn’t have to try so hard to make a relationship work. If we really wanted to be in it trying wouldn’t be a struggle!” Ryan said finally getting upset.

“Is that what you think of being with me? A struggle?” Cate asked, completely missing the point.

“Cate! You’re struggling to be with me too. Don’t act like I’m in this alone” Ryan retorted.

“So that’s just it huh? Are we just done? After all this time? And what about Lux?” Cate asked every bit upset as Ryan.

“Cate I cannot be in a relationship with you just for Lux. I will always be there for the both of you, but I can’t pretend to be happy for the sake of one person.” Ryan said more calmly.

Cate sat there with nothing more to say. All she could think of was ‘Was this really happening to me.’ Finally deciding to be a little more grown up about the situation, Cate realized that yes she could not ask Ryan to do something that would make him increasingly unhappier, but she wasn’t going to be happy about this. Then saying, “I don’t know what to say. I know I can’t make you stay with me for Lux, but I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Cate you are not going to lose me. Neither is Lux, but we don’t have to be in a relationship for me to be in your guys’ lives. I will always be there for you. The both of you.” Ryan said firmly.

“I know, I know, but this is just… hard” Cate said with tears in her eyes.

“I know Cate, I know,” Ryan said sighing while pulling Cate close.

Cate left shortly after, making Ryan promise to talk to Lux about this as well as making him promise to always be in their lives. Finally, Ryan was alone with his thoughts. And the first thing that was on his mind was Baze.

He couldn’t just jump into a relationship, or whatever, with him just after he broke up with Cate that would just be cruel, but, he also really needed to check in on Baze.

Ryan was able to break up with Cate, but he wasn’t able to tell her anything else. And that was an issue for Ryan. He needed to go about this properly. Both he and Baze knew that they needed to be adults about this, but Ryan couldn’t stand to hurt Baze any longer. He knew that every second he waited to get his shit together with Baze, that Baze would be floating in this weird headspace. And this headspace head already wrecked him once, and Ryan couldn’t do that to Baze again. Ryan decided to head over to the bar and tell Baze what had just happened, wanting to talk to him about their next steps.

Ten minutes later, Ryan was back at the bar with the intent to tell Baze about his conversation with Cate. He knew eventually they would need to further discuss the nature of their relationship as well as the whole, ‘coming out’ to the family, but, for now, Ryan just needed to talk to Baze.

Walking up the steps to the apartment, Ryan heard small amounts of movement before everything seemed to go completely still. Tentatively, Ryan opened the front door leading to the loft, and the sight that sat before him almost broke his heart. Baze sat slumped over the breakfast bar, with an almost blank stare, a bowl of cereal in front of him. Ryan knew that his relationship with both Baze and Cate was taking some sort of toll on Baze, but, he hadn't realized to what extent.

With a little bit more purpose in his step, Ryan walked towards the counter while calling out for Baze. Lazily, Baze lifted his head, not in the mood to talk to anyone. Ryan's indecisiveness was leaving a bitter feeling in Baze's mouth, and Baze's mood was a direct reflection of it.

"What," Baze said coldly as if all emotion had been sucked out of him.

"I wanted to talk to you, about all of this," Ryan answered.

"What's there to talk about? You made no effort to talk to me about anything over these past few weeks, so what? What more could you possibly have to say?" Baze asked, almost as if he was unsure of everything.

"I broke up with Cate."      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry fr the super short chapter but this was what i had in my drafts and really wanted to post something. I don't know how long this is going to be or if i decide to continue but after finals are done i probably will have more time to focus on this and will get more chapters out!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so ryan and baze finally talk.
> 
> and cate and baze also finally ... talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this i feel like goes in a different direction than what i had originally planned but like it makes more sense this way?
> 
> tw: a shitty description of a panic attack but it's still there! its at the v end but please don't read that part if it makes you uncomfortable!!

"I broke up with Cate."

Baze sat floored, a million questions running through his mind. Why had Ryan done that? What did this mean for Ryan and Baze? Was Baze even sure he wanted Ryan?

Even with those questions running through his mind Baze could only muster up the effort to say a simple, "Oh."

" 'Oh,' that's what you have to say?" Ryan asked incredulously, almost a bit angrily.

Baze looked up at Ryan, a look that was hard to place left on his face.

Immediately Ryan wanted to punch himself in the face. Of course, Baze might be thinking the break up was a result of whatever happened between them.

"Baze, say something." Ryan pleaded.

Still in a fair amount of shock, Baze calculated his next answer carefully.

"I'm sorry you guys broke up." Baze illuminated after a weighty pause. "I really hope it wasn't because of me," Baze said in a worry, almost too silently. But Ryan still caught it.

"It – it didn't have anything to do with you if that's what you're asking." Ryan clarified. "Cate and I were not working together. And I knew that. You knew it. She knew it. It was all – just – it was all just a lot of things happening in our lives." Ryan rambled. "We weren't meant to be."

Baze understood. He knew Ryan and Cate had their difficulties. Cate was one stubborn being and adding Lux into the mix was piling their plates too full. Still, Baze couldn't help but feel a bit of guilt, knowing that maybe – just maybe – his and Ryan's half escapade may have had something to do with Cate and Ryan breaking up _now_. Now.

"I'm still not sure exactly what I want" Baze admitted.

Not a complete shock to Ryan, but still not everything he really wanted to hear. But, Ryan knew that breaking up with Cate did not mean a beautiful beginning with Baze. It meant that now Baze and Ryan had to talk, had to figure out their lives individually and together.

"I still want you, I mean." Baze clarified. "But right now, at this moment in my life, with everything going on, I think I need a friend more than anything."

"I've been – struggling to put it lightly," Baze admitted once again. It surprised not only Ryan but Baze too. But deep down, Baze knew that he wasn't doing too hot. He had a tough time adjusting to Lux in his life, and while deciding to be active in her life was the right thing to do, it was by far the most challenging decision Baze made.

Baze was forced to grow up very fast. His bachelor period ended the minute Lux showed up at his doorstep. And while he did not regret for a single minute, the choice he made, Baze knew he was having a tough time adjusting.

"I need a friend more than anything right now." Baze continued. "I don't expect you to be that friend, but right now I am hoping that you are willing to take this slow."

"I thought about it these last few weeks, and I realized that as much as I want you and how much I really hope you want me, the best thing, for now, is to take it slow." Baze let out. "I know I've been a wreck and I know you can see it too, but, as much as my anger and million other emotions have been telling me otherwise, I need a friend."

Ryan finally took a seat at the bar, shoulders slumped forward. He knew what Baze was saying is correct.

Finally gathering his thoughts, Ryan told Baze, "I am willing to be there for you in whatever way you will let me."

"I haven't been dealing with this in the best way possible, and I am sorry for making you ever believe that I didn't want you as much as you wanted me," Ryan said, his gaze, unwavering. "If you need a friend, I am your friend. If you ever decide you want more, I am with you every step of the way."

Baze knew that this was not the end of it, but he was glad to hear Ryan was okay with just being friends for now.

 

         

_a few days later_

 

On a crisp Saturday morning, a few days after Baze and Ryan reached a consensus, Baze woke up with a start. In making sure Ryan knew what Baze wanted and needed, he never once made it clear to Cate what he needed.

Cate was not an easy person to deal with, but as the mother of his child, it was a necessary evil to communicate with her. Which was something Baze had been neglecting.

Reaching over to his nightstand, Baze grabbed his charging phone scrolling till he found Cate's contact. As per Baze's personality, she was saved under 'The Devil Reincarnate.'

Baze's thumb hovered nervously over the call icon, unsure of whether to text or call Cate.

Ultimately Baze decided that communicating with her in person might offer to be more fruitful than a simple text.

Pressing the call icon, he waited on the ringing line till Cate picked up.

After the fourth ring, Cate picked up with a somewhat crabby, "What."

"Well good morning to you too sunshine," Baze responded, slightly off-put by Cate's ever welcoming tone.

"Baze this is not the time to joke around," Cate said, sounding as if she had a stuffy nose.

Slightly worried, Baze asked, "Is everything –alright?"

At that Cate seemed to blow up.

"Alright? What do you mean alright? Everything is perfectly fine and dandy, I'm not at all upset that my fiance broke up with me and that my daughter is angry with me and that you are calling me, to probably, in true Baze, fashion, annoy me!" Cate yelled into the phone.

"Okay, look. I didn't call to annoy you because you know what Cate? Not everything in my life revolves around the perfect way to rile you up. I am trying to have a civil conversation with you. Something I have been trying to do since the dawn of life." Baze said, every ounce of his patience going into keeping his voice calm.

"Oh right like you can have a civil conversation with anyone. Newsflash Baze, I'm not the overgrown man-child. You are!" Cate fired back.

"Me? I'm the child. Have you ever once considered that the reason you and I can't have a civil conversation is that you are infuriating? And maybe you're the child?" Baze yelled back, his patience breaking.

"Me the CHILD? I'm sorry for dealing with actual life problems" Cate yelled back into the phone.

"Cate you are the one, in your thirties, crying about a relationship that didn't work out. And excuse me for not sharing with the entire state of Washington about my life problems." Baze shouted.

"That's because you have no real problems! You create problems for everyone else. In fact, my relationship only went downhill after you showed up in our lives. You even created this argument that we are so pleasantly having" Cate yelled.

"Oh come on Cate, you and I both know that you and Ryan were never going to work out. Your break up was not my fault. The issues in your life are your problems, not mine. And I am not the one that turned this conversation into an argument. I called to talk to you about actual issues, but if you want to whine and complain about how crap your life is, go find a therapist who is more than willing to take all your money so you can whine and complain."

"If you want to have a civilized conversation, I'll be at the bar. Otherwise, don't bother. " Baze ended the conversation.

Putting down the phone and placing his head in his hands Baze wondered how every time he tried to talk to Cate it ended up in an argument. As far as he could recall, Baze was being civilized. He even asked if she was okay. And completely sincerely at that too.

A minute later Baze's thoughts began to spiral. He kept asking himself if he was really the root of all the problems in his and Cate's life. Was her life really that much better before they found out about Lux, before he became a permanent fixture in their lives?

Slowly Baze's breathing began to become shorter and faster, and within thirty seconds, he found himself amid a panic attack. Baze was reaching his hands out trying to grab onto anything, he wasn't able to contain his breathing and tears began to fall from his eyes. Baze was grasping onto nothing, and his nails began to dig into his palms.

Baze felt like he was drowning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally i wanted it to be like zip bang boom ryan break up with cate nd baze and ryan get together and everything is fine and dandy. But i was thinking and i was like that really makes no sense. baze needs help and jumping into a relationship is so not the way to do it. maybe for some people but not in this story.
> 
> also apologies for the bad depiction of a panic attack, I am going off of the few I've had and the many i've read about. 
> 
> also more apologies for ending it on such a crappy not. I really want what's going to happen after this to be it's own chapter. but we are also probably going to get Cate's thoughts on this conversation first. 
> 
> tysm for reading this if you even do lol.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written anything like this before so I apologize.


End file.
